| The
Chicken Dance |
Can only be
preformed by one man and one man only. For pictures of
this dance in action scroll to the bottom of this link |
| The Spin
Cycle |
Hands behind
back; head down; hair is swung around very much like the
tassels on Elvira's nipples. Think of that scene in Wayne's
World where they were listening to "Bohemian
Rhapsody". |
| Skippy the
Goth Kangaroo |
Wait until
the strobe lights are on; jump forward and throw arms back;
jump back and throw arms forward. jump to the left and throw
arms to the right; jump to the right and throw arms to the
left. Repeat as necessary. |
| Herman
Munster |
Wait
until the DJ plays something by Black Flag or the Rollins
Band; do the `Back and Forth Two-Step' (as practiced by
cautious Lucrezias in long dresses) except don't bend your
knees. Resembles the Soviet Red Army on parade, or John Cleese
doing a Silly Walk. |
| Ralph
Buick |
Hands resting
on the fronts of the thighs; bend over as if vomiting;
straighten up. Repeat until the song ends. |
| The Hungry
Jack's Family Meal |
Hold arms
down, hands out, bent forward at the elbows as if pretending
to be that robot from Lost In Space; pretend you're
cooking lots of hamburgers. Shuffle back and forth between
imaginary stoves and the imaginary counter. Smile. |
| Too Drunk
To Fuck |
Stand with
both feet placed directly below the center of
gravity; wave arms tentatively; look like you are about to
move, but don't. This is excellent for confusing the more
mobile dancers, who think you're about to make a space for
them to dance into. A degree of head-tossing is permitted. Try
not to fall over. |
| Minesweeper |
Hands behind
back; carefully step around the dance floor, eyes half-closed,
as if looking for mines the hard way. Be sure to bend your
knees occasionally, or people will think you're doing the
Herman Munster. |
| Invocation
of the Elder Gods |
Feet in one
place; write out the first chapter of the Necronomicon in Arabic,
in the air above you, using both hands. When Ye Elder Gods
appear, shit yourself. Note: when Fiona is giving away CDs for
dancing pretentiously, accelerate the hand movements. |
| The
Morning Jog Around the Dance Floor |
Self-explanatory. |
| Hiding in
the Effulgence of the Fog Machine |
Self-explanatory. |
| The
Shampoo and Rinse Two-Step |
Self-explanatory. |
| Oh, No! My
Waistcoat's on Fire! |
Similar to
The Invocation of the Elder Gods, except instead of waving
your hands in the air, you pretend to slap at all of your
pockets in sequence as if you'd just become the target for a
million fleas. Think of that guy in the second Hellraiser
film, screaming "Please, get them off me!" |
| The Funky
Gibbon |
Half-crouch;
swing arms back and forth, 180 degrees out of phase (i.e.
swing your LEFT arm back, RIGHT arm forward); waddle around
the dance floor. If you have no shame whatsoever, pout your
lips like a chimpanzee's. this is most effective if you're
dressed as a Modern Primitive. Swinging from the lighting
fixtures is not recommended.
If you're really
adventurous, occasionally lift one leg off the ground in
combination with the opposite arm.
|
| The Irish
Goth Jig |
Also known as
"River Dance", or "Yes I Am Wearing A
Straightjacket". Back very straight, hands down by sides.
Step lightly around the dance floor, pointing toes (this last
is assumed, since it's hard to tell in Doc Martens). Look
straight ahead, smile lots. Most often done when Madness songs
are being played. |
| The Goth
Pogo |
Another
Madness favorite. Stand with feet together, body straight.
Stare directly ahead and jump up and down on the spot, while
making the occasional obligatory hand gesture. |
| Casting
Spells at the Dance Floor |
Only done by
Lucretias, usually in combination with the Two-Step Back and
Forth. Let go of the skirt with one hand, wave the other
mysteriously at the floor and enchant the small space directly
in front of you. Stare intently at it. |
| The Fly
Swatter |
Plant feet.
With both arms bent, wave one quickly back and forth in front
of your face. Occasionally swap hands. Don't move
your feet. |
| The
Chainsaw |
Move your
hands like you're revving up a chainsaw, while doing a gothic
two step - really put your shoulder into it. After five or six
revs, when it's going nicely, grasp it with both hands, swing
it viciously at anyone else on the dance floor. Even better
with two people, as you can sword fight back and forth across
the dance floor, occasionally shouting "I will never rule
the universe with you!!!!!" for extra effect. |
| The Winch |
Pretty self
explanatory really, start with the right hand, and make
gestures like you're winching something out of a well, then
switch to the left hand - follow this with a pained
expression, and start using both hands. Keep switching back
and forth as the music inspires you. |
| The Dealer
|
Pounce about
the dance-floor, every now and then dealing cards out to the
other dancers. After dealing what feels to be about a full
hand, fan out your cards, jive a bit, then throw them down in
disgust and storm off the dance floor. |
| Violent
Masturbation
|
Violent
Masturbation - well, use your imagination! |
