A Jesus Tale:

Jesus became bored,

said the St. Andrews student,

of the same old routine.

  He wanted to try something new to do. He wanted to go out and learn new things. Which is hard when you are omnipotent. He decided to go on a new adventure of sorts. No baptisms or preaching on this trip. So he went to the main gate to go get Saint Peter to come along, not out of favoritism, but because he was worth a few laughs. Kind of his alter ego. " Where are we going?" Saint Peter asked Jesus.

  "Well I thought we should go get ourselves educated. You know, go back to school."

  "That's a good idea," remarked Saint peter. Of course all of Jesus's ideas were good, well most of them. " Do you have any suggestions as to where we should go. I hear Yale and Harvard are good schools, and lets not forget the Sorbonne."

  "No, those schools are to big, and we need a school where it is warmer. This robe doesn't keep the chill out too well."

  "It should also be a religious school, so we can get in for free. How about that one." Saint Peter pointed to a small school below them situated on a lake. " Which one is that?"

  "Saint Andrews Presbyterian College, it's not Catholic, but it will do. They are mamas boys anyway." Saint Peter and Jesus landed on a cause walk in front of a student riding a bike. The student crashed his bike in front of them. The student with a look of anger on his face turned towards the two sudden roadblocks and said," Jesus Chri..."

  "Yes," answered Jesus. The student stood dumfounded looking at the two strangers standing in front of him with halo's above their heads.

  "Are you really Jesus?" asked the student.

  "Yes, I am Jesus Christ. You can call me just Jesus, no Mr. Christ or Sir nonsense. My sidekick here is Saint Peter. And you are?"

  "Speechless, but I have to hurry on." the student said turning away.

  "Hold on a second, where are you going?" asked Jesus.

  "I have to get my philosophy paper back from Professor Throop. You just disproved my argument on the existence of God."

  "Well can I ask you a few questions before you go?" Jesus said trying to retain the student.

  "Sure." replied the student.

  "First, do you have any idea who Saint Andrew was or what he did?"

  "Uh, no actually I haven't a clue. Do I go to Hell for that?" the student questioned.

  "Maybe," answered Jesus.

  "Leave him alone Jesus. No you won't, but you should read up on him, a nice guy." piped in Saint Peter.

  "Second, excusing the interruption, where is the admissions office?"

  "Are you two applying here?"

  "Why is there a problem?" asked Saint Peter.

  "Well actually no as long as you don't eat at the cafeteria to often." the student said knowingly. Just then two not so stable students staggered up. " Let me introduce you to two other students," the student said," this is Jacques and this is Jeannette. Jacques and Jeanette this is Jesus and Saint Peter."

  "If you are Jesus can you cure Jeanette and I of our hangovers." slurred Jacques.

  "Gladly." said Jesus and touched both of them, instantly curing their ailment. " This is such a relief, most people ask me to cure them of leprosy or something." After many words of thanks and an invitation to a party that night at Albemarle, Jacques and Jeanette left. The student turned towards the two guests and said," As to answer your earlier question, the admissions office is in that building over there."

  "Thank you," replied Jesus," for taking the time out to help us. Yet, you must excuse Saint Peter and I we need to go get admitted in time to register for classes. By the way what is your name, you never told us?"

  "Jesse." the student said as he watched the two men turn to go. As they were leaving he heard Jesus talking to Saint Peter.

  "Peter, let me sing a song for you I read in Ulysses, You'll like it.

I'm the queerest young fella, that ever ya heard

My mother's a Jew and my father's a bird

With Joseph the Joiner I canna agree.

So here's to disciples and Calvary

If anyone thinks that I am not divine

He'll get no free drinks when I'm makin' the wine.

But have ta drink water and wish it were plain.

That I makes when wine becomes water again.

  "You're terrible." laughed Saint Peter.